I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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