He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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