I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
FUCK WHALES
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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