Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
