Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
