your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ketchup is God's man juice
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
