Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
