i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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