I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
