Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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