Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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