His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
