Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I met the friendliest cop last night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
