at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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