So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
