youre lurking in front of me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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