i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm having to shit out rocks
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