who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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