He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
