The best revenge is premature balding
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
