I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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