My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
