Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
