I faked an abortion last night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
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