i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
