DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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