So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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