the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
