Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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