Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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