I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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