I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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