What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
