she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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