at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
