Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
