If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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