I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
