well you can't waste a boner
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
