today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
