so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
