No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
