May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You brought string cheese to the strip club
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
