My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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