So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
