are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
