It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
