I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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