How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
