i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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