Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
