ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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