he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
