God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
