the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
