So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
