how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
