is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
