please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
