wat bout pragnant strippers??
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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