So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
