one might say we're banned from that church
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
