I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
