I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
