I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
