people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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