i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
