i just wanna soil my oats bro
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
