i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
