the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
