Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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