I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
