my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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