remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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