jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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